Douglas is our first born and always SO full of life and adventure. He never knew a stranger and has the most tender heart. I think part of that tenderness is what made remaining in his earth suit so very difficult. I believe he came into our family to be our teacher of what loving compassion and forgiveness looks and feels like.

Douglas had a back injury in high school and was on pain medications that he later became addicted to. I know that each and every day he believed this would be the day he wouldn’t use and would find the freedom of that monkey off his back forever.

He left this earthy journey on July 13, 2008, and this time for our family has been an intense journey of finding our way again and learning how to integrate his life into our lives now. I believe this will always be a work in progress yet I can say with intention that healing is happening and I don’t feel the way that I did when I had to take the first step without my beloved son in it.

This world is a better place because Douglas lived and I feel a responsibility to continue to grow his love in whatever way that I can. Douglas is sorely missed each and every day and will be forever twenty-four. Deepest of sighs…

My beautiful boy, John, lost his life several years before he died. A very emotionally traumatic experience at the age of 18 set him on a course of hopelessness, including addiction. I tried everything to keep him alive, always afraid that even love was not strong enough to keep him safe. We lost him on 5-5-11. His paternal grandmother died the same day in the same hospital. It was 4 days from my 60th birthday and Mother’s Day. My world changed forever.

My husband & I had 2 sons, Jeremy & Chad. They were happy little boys who were always busy. They were very close, which always warmed my heart. As they got into their teens they experienced issues with depression, bipolar tendencies & addiction. I really believe their addictions problems came from trying to self-medicate. Even though both of them were in treatment & on medication for bipolar, they still really never felt stable. They would try to find things to help make them feel “normal”. Tragically we lost both of them in the Spring of 2008 to accidental prescription drug overdose. I have already told Chad’s story, now this is…..
Jeremy’s Story. He was the most playful little boy, always laughing. He began having problems with ADHD which affected his concentration level at school. This escalated into self esteem issues, which led him to searching for peers who would accept him & make him feel better about himself. So began a life of substance abuse. He tried to straighten up several times & go into therapy for his bipolar illness. They tried many different medications with him, which none was totally successful. So, like his brother Chad he began to self-medicate. He had stopped living a life of a nomad & was even going to college to make a better life for his 2 children. His 2nd marriage was failing which caused him stress & emotional pain. Then on April 5, 2008 his younger brother did not wake up from an accidental drug overdose. One day Jeremy called me all upset about something very hurtful his wife had done when she had dropped his baby boy to him. Jeremy was so upset we went & picked him & the baby up for a few hours. He talked about how the next day he wanted to go file for divorce. I told him I would go with him. We offered for him to spend the night with us, but he assured us he was ok & wanted to go to his apartment. The next morning I didn’t hear from him. I called & texted several times then just decided to go over there. I had this sick feeling all the way there. I had to get the maintenance man to unlock the door. When we went in my son was unconscious. I called 911 & did what they told me. Emergency squad took him to the hospital. When we got there the Dr. told us Jeremy did not survive. Autopsy showed accidental overdose of Methadone. He wasn’t even on Methadone, but we suppose he got it from someone to help him calm down & rest not knowing he would not wake up. So both of our son’s ashes were spread together in the Smokey Mts in Tenn. I do believe I will see my sons again in the resurrection, but the separation is still painful. I know my sons did not want to have addiction issues, therefore in the honor of them, I am posting their stories & photos on this Wall.

Daniel was an amazing spirit he had so much love for others. He was fun to be around and always knew how to make you smile. He was my only son and he is truly missed. Daniel had struggled with ADHD and mild depression for several years it began in school due to his frustration with succeeding. He began self medicating or self numbing as I call it. Counseling and several drug rehabs later the level only increased as he aged. I remember one of the last conversations I had with him regarding a show I had watched about addicts and the number of them who had died all of the stories seemed so similar and so like him that I told him I feared the same fate for him as well. He agreed with me saying he thought that was how he would die as well thinking he was invincible only to find out to late he wasn’t. He wasn’t tying to be rude or hurt my feeling I think he just understood something I didn’t that the drugs owned his soul and he wasn’t going to fight it. This conversation was 2 days before I got the call he had died… He died in a filthy apartment the people who were with him called him a good kid who had the best night of his life. They left him to sleep after shooting up heroin and came back to find him barely breathing they decided to try and wake him by putting him in a cold shower. When this didn’t work they told their mom and she called 911 knowing he was ODing he died 2hrs later. He died 7 days before his 19th birthday 6days before Christmas and 8 days before his scheduled rehab.

My husband & I had 2 sons. Chad was our youngest & Jeremy was 5 yrs older. Such a tragedy that we lost both of our sons to addiction, just 1 month apart, in the Spring of 2008. To honor both of them I would like to tell their stories individually. Chad was a quiet very loving & compassionate child. He adored his older brother Jeremy & wanted to do everything he did. At age 14 Chad was diagnosed with major depression & was even hospitalized for it a couple times. After 1 hospital stay & evaluation we were told Chad most likely would have addiction issues. With that knowledge we tried everything to help him live a normal life. He worked a couple full time jobs, but around age 23-24 he would come home from work in tears a lot of days. He had been in therapy & taking medication for his bipolar/depression issues for about 10 yrs at this point. He felt he could not longer work & filed for disability. He was accepted the 1st time, which is rare. Chad was always looking for some natural herb to help his depression. He even turned to abusing prescription medication to just sleep. He ordered an herb over the Internet that promised to cure depression. We strongly urged him not to take it, but now being 26 yrs old he was an adult. He made a tea with that herb & evidently took more than the recommended dose of his medication. He didn’t wake up the next day. He had told us early in his 20’s that he didn’t think he would live to be 30. He passed away at age 26. He tried to stay in treatment for his depression/addiction issues, he wanted to be “normal”. I am a better person because he was my son. I miss my gentle loving son. I love you Chad

Jason was my only child, we were very close as he was growing up. All he ever wanted to do was be a chef. He started cooking at age 15 and worked at several local restaurants. He was burned pretty bad and began taking prescription oxycotin…and that is where the addiction began. Several injuries and MORE oxy prescribed led to other drugs including heroin. Jason went thru rehab twice and seemed to be doing well each time. Finally in November 2011, he completed rehab and was attending NA and doing well…..November 18, 2011 a police office showed up at my door to tell me that my Beloved only son Jason was dead. He died from an overdose of oxycotin and heroin….I feel that pain every single day……My only child and LARGE part of my heart is gone forever. I know I will see him again one day, but the tough part is now….

Brendon was always a character. Even the times I really wanted to be mad at him, he always found a way to make me laugh.

As kids, we were either getting in trouble or fighting, but the fun was always ruined. But in spite of the trouble or our fighting, somehow, my brother always seemed to make light of the situation.

Brendon was a unique individual. He always went against the grain. A rebel child in his truest form. He was an artist; he attained talent that was unique and skillful. He was also dyslexic and never let anyone forget it. For instance, Mom would say, “Brendon – do the dishes.” He would say, “Sorry mom – can’t. I’m dyslexic.”

Brendon could make you laugh. He also attempted to attain a mysterious statue about him, keeping himself and and his true identity ambiguous. Unless, of course, you went on his Facebook which he used as his personally blogging post.

According to Facebook, Brendon wrote this poem two years ago: “It’s funny, as irony goes, that the tragedies of life are what really brings us back together. We have all these fake holidays and reasons to get together. But when something goes wrong, we all get together, because we’re strong.”

When I think about Brendon, I know he would not want us to sit and mourn for his life. He never wanted sympathy from any one while he was alive, why would that change now.

Yet without completely evading the topic all together, Brendon was not well. He was fighting a very difficult battle. Yet even in his own demise, he is not defeated. What would make it win if he we let his death defeat us. When what we should do is run, and fight for someone else who is fighting a similar battle.

One thing my brother never found on this earth, was peace. He searched for contentment in all the things of this world. And he never found that. I firmly believe that our hope is not something that can be found in this world. If you are struggling with addiction, if you struggle with anxiety and depression, if you are searching for your the things of this world to find contentment, I assure you’ll never find it. Brendon’s life can be a testament to that truth. Brendon would want you to learn from his life. He would want you to find the peace he was never able to find.